Decisions

I have been thinking long and hard for a while now – I normally come up with the answer “NO!” but this time I have decided “yes”. I am going to join back up at Weight Watchers and start going to the meetings.

I feel as though I need them right now. I was doing really well, but lately I have fallen a bit off the wagon, without too much damage…  but still, I am finding it hard to stay focused. I want to stay focused, so I am going to go to the meetings and I know that will give me the motivation I need.

I have been going ten weeks and I am proud of how far I have come in that amount of time.

It’s been really hot here lately. It has also been really cold. It is confusing. I was worried I was going to get sick. One day I was boiling hot and the next I was freezing, wearing a jumper! Crazy.

I have noticed I get more motivated when it is cooler. When it is raining or overcast I am happy. I am more likely to do a bunch of cooking when it’s cooler.

So my meetings are on Thursday. I could go to one tomorrow, but I am going to the one that I used to go to many moons ago. The leader is that same – which worries me… Mainly because she knows me and she knows my family. She doesn’t know, however, that my sister has passed away and I am not sure I can tell her. Mainly because I don’t want to cry in front of a bunch of strangers and I don’t know how she would react. She might even cry. She knew my sister well (she once told me I was like a sister to her, so she is completely lovely). I don’t know… I feel quite anxious about that… I can’t think about it too much or I will not go to the meeting. That leader is a leader for a lot of the meetings around my area. She is good at her job and everyone who meets her, loves her. I am also anxious to see her as  I am so much heavier now than I was when I last saw her. But… life happens I guess.

One thing about having to tell someone that a mutual person you know has died is their reaction.. With my sister I didn’t tell many people (face to face) because I really hated seeing their reactions and I felt like I had to console them. It really irritated me. For example – my mum, niece and I went out the front to get in the car one day a few years ago and the mower man was here. We rarely talk to him – just let him get on with his job. My sister used to talk to him a lot as he also did her yard a long time ago. Anyway – something was said and my mum mentioned that my sister had died and he kind of stumbled backwards and was obviously shocked beyond belief… and all I wanted to do was hit him. The same with my neighbour. My mum told her and she was holding back tears. It just made me mad. I clearly have a lot of issues. haha. That’s why I am worried about my old leader. Who knows, she may not ask about the family (who am I kidding, she totally will!!!) I could lie and say everyone is well. I won’t. But it is tempting.

I will report back on Thursday and say how it went.
Until next time,
Lose it Em

ps – I have not been eating well half this week. Boo hiss. Stupid take away food.