It’s now November and I immediately started to feel horrible as soon I knew the calendar had changed. November and December are hard months for me and it is going to take a lot of energy to be sensible with my eating. My sister’s birthday is in November… three weeks later is the anniversary of her death. This year will be four years without her. It doesn’t get any easier – I have been told it will, but so far, it hasn’t.
Today there was plenty of leftover chocolate and the smell of it was driving me crazy. My mum wanted it – so she had a full packet of Tim Tam biscuits next to her. She kept asking me if I wanted any. I kept saying no. In my head I was screaming “GO ON!!! They’re only 99 calories for one!!” I have no idea how many points they would be, but I am guessing it wouldn’t be good. So when she had finished what she wanted to promptly put the rest in a bag and threw them in the freezer. I feel more in control when things are in the freezer haha. That really is quite silly, but it works for me. (that is where my Milky Way is currently sitting).
I do feel proud that I could say no again though, I really felt less strong than yesterday. But I know want to lose weight at the end of this week, not put it on.
That is also what I have to keep remembering when I feel sad about my sister – I am sure she would be happy that I am losing weight and getting myself together. She was one of my biggest saboteur at times, but also a really great cheerleader too. We’d walk a lot together and that was really good. I miss being able to do that.
Time for bed now.
Until next time
Lose it Em 🙂